Wockey Pool 2019 - I'm Not Talking About It Yet

The first weekend of Wockey is in the books.  We’ve not only experienced a wonderful three days of college hockey, but also cemented ourselves as THE premier outlet on this fancy new creation known as the Internet!  To the future, Wockey!!

 

It was a terrific, if not surprisingly low-scoring first weekend of the NCAA Tournament with five shutouts among the twelve games played including two each pitched by Denver and Massachusetts.  We had two top seeds upset in the first game, two overtime thrillers, and one four seed make it all the way to the Frozen Four (again)! 

 

And while I appreciate the many Wockeyites who have reached out to check on me following the latest collapse of my beloved St. Cloud State Huskies, I assure you that I’m fine and really, more than anything, I just don’t want to dwell on it anymore.  Got it?  Great.  Moving on...

 

Before we get to all the scenarios laying out who can become Wockey Champion, here are some interesting Wockey facts:

 

-We had 538 brackets entered -- 125 more than our previous record of 413 brackets in 2017.  Way to send Wockey out with a flourish!

 

-The most popular pick to win the whole thing was St. Cloud State with 210 brackets having the top overall seeded Huskies winning it all.

 

-You are more likely to be infected by flesh-eating bacteria than you are to be struck by lightning.  You are more likely to witness a horrifically embarassing St. Cloud State loss than both of those combined.

 

-The second most highly selected squad was Minnesota-Duluth, who with 157 brackets predicting back-to-back titles for the Bulldogs is by far the most popular pick remaining.

 

-Among the other three Frozen Four teams, 48 picked Massachusetts to win it all, 11 went with Denver, and six had Providence.

 

-In space, astronauts cannot cry because there is no gravity and tears can't flow.  Unless they’re St. Cloud State fans.  Science has no laws strong enough to combat the unceasing sadness of a Husky hopeful done wrong.

 

-Every team was picked by at least one bracket to win it all.  Arizona State, Bowling Green, and Harvard were selected to win it all in just one bracket apiece.  Two brackets had last seeded American International winning the whole thing.

 

-An average of 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.  An average of 26 St. Cloud State hockey players choke just one time a year, but it’s enough to make 50,000 St. Cloud State fans want to shove ballpoint pens down their throats over and over and over and over...

 

-Several Wockeyites submitted multiple brackets this year.  Nolan Bettermann, Thomas Nikula, Terry Newton, and Former Wockey Champ Ron Goodman each submitted ten brackets.  Erik Pederson went big with 11.  But no one in the history of the Wockey Pool has gone for it more than someone going by the moniker Freya44$$.  This mystery figure submitted 16 different brackets -- and not one of them is in contention to win money!

 

-Meanwhile Donna Black and Merrill Stillwell submitted just one bracket each -- and those were the only two brackets to correctly predict the Frozen Four.  Well done Donna and Merrill!

 

-If you sneeze too hard you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force they can pop out.  If you root for St. Cloud State in the NCAA Tournament, all three of the aforementioned maladies combined hurt less than watching the Huskies crap themselves once again on the big stage.

 

-And If you submit 16 brackets and none of them win money while two other Wockeyites who submitted one bracket apiece both nailed the Frozen Four, a slow, violent death seems like a sweet escape.  Especially when you predict St. Cloud State to win the NCAA title in eight of those brackets.

 

So if Freya44$$ can’t win the title of Wockey Champion, who can?  The scenarios are as follows (remember that this year we’ve expanded the payouts to the top ten finishers):

 

If Denver beats UMD:

Donna and Merrill will end up tied for first place with 62 out of a possible 68 points, the most possible out of all the scenarios.  This outcome could come down to the second tiebreaker, but essentially it’s this -- if 14 goals or less are scored, Donna would be your Wockey Champion.  If 15 or more are tallied, Merrill would win.  Kevin Bubach would finish third while Lindsay Premo would come in fourth.  Chris Hoganson would come in fifth two points ahead of his annoying neighbor, Zach Walker.  Zach’s brother Nick would tie for seventh with Thomas Nikula while former Wockey Champ and Puckhead Jason Kuss would come in ninth with Tim Evanson finishing tenth.

 

If Denver beats Providence:

This result would also come down to a tiebreaker between Donna and Merrill with the same tiebreaker scenario playing out.  Bubach, Nikula, and Erik Pederson would tie for third.  Lindsay Premo would finish solo sixth while a tiebreaker for seventh would be used to separate Chris Hoganson and Peter Eugene Simon.  Zach Walker would finish ninth and the final money winner would come down to a tiebreaker between Nick Walker and Craig Shermoen.

 

If Massachusetts beats UMD:

Jack Nazy is your Wockey Champion with 57 points.  Former Wockey Champ Jon Brinckerhoff finishes second while a four way tie for third comes down to Austin Roberts, Peter Eugene Simon, Philip Thielen, and Justin Waters.  A tiebreaker would also be used to determine seventh place between Daniel Haugen and Chris Hoganson.  And the last money winning place would come down to a three-way tie between Craig Shermoen, Devon Prideaux, and Jamie Rasmussen.

 

If Massachusetts beats Providence:

Former St. Cloud State great Craig Shermoen runs away with a seven point victory to become Wockey Champ.  A tie for second would come down to Nazy, Prideaux, and Rasmussen.  Brinckerhoff would finish fifth while a crazy six way tie break would be needed to determine the final five money winners from among Austin Roberts, Peter Eugene Simon, Philip Thielen, Justin Waters, Morgan Lubben, and Nolan Bettermann.

 

If UMD beats Denver:

Brother of the Wockey commish Nick Walker, who knows next to nothing about college hockey and only participates in this pool to support his deluded older brother, would become your Wockey Champ.  Jason Kuss would come in runner-up while Donna Black and Merrill Stillwell would tie for third.  Andy Tillman would come in solo fourth.  A five-way tie to figure out the final five spots would break up Angel Rodriguez, Bob Steffaro, Nolan Bettermann, Matt Kilby, and Brad Zeimet.

 

If UMD beats Massachusetts:

If this scenario plays out, it would be the craziest scenario in Wockey history.  We would have our first ever three-way tie for Wockey Champion between Andrew Blaeser, Corey Morin, and Jacques LePage.  If five goals or fewer were scored in the final three games of the tournament, Blaeser would be your Wockey Champ.  If 9 or more are scored, it would be LePage.  And if between 6-8 goals are scored, Corey Morin would be named the Wockey Champ.  Can you imagine how exciting that final game would be?!  In addition, Joel Sipper and Peter Markham would tie for fourth.  Michael Norby would finish sixth and Nick Walker seventh.  And then comes the second crazy part of this scenario.  A tie for the final three paid payouts would come down to eight people -- Bryan Otremba, former Wockey Champ Aaron Soroka, Ben Swendra, Michael J Forshee, Cassandra Walters, Christopher Dahlin, Ben Cahill, and the First Lady of Wockey, Sarah Walker.  I for one want to see this scenario play out -- and not because my wife and brother could win money, but because it would make for a fabulous finale for Wockey!

 

If Providence beats Denver:

In Providence wins in either of their scenarios, long time multiple bracket submitter Erik Pederson finally realizes his dream of becoming Wockey Champion.  In second would be Peter Eugene Simon.  Donna Black and Merrill Stillwell would tie for third with Matt Mathiasen, whose kids separately finished Champion and Puckhead just a few years ago.  Shane Wasserman and Rob Maloney would tie for sixth while Nick Walker and Craig would tie for eighth.  Zach Walker would finish alone in tenth.

 

If Providence beats Massachusetts:

Again, Pederson becomes Wockey Champ with any Providence win.  Simon and Shermoen tie for second.  Mathiasen finishes alone in fourth.  Wasserman and Maloney tie for fifth.  A four way tie break will be used to determine the last four money winners between Devon Prideaux, Jack Nazy, Jamie Rasmussen, and Christopher Carlson.

 

Good luck to all those still in contention for that sweet Wockey money!  And for those of you who aren’t, at least this is the last Wockey you’ll ever have to disgrace yourself with.  

 

You’ll next hear from Wockey when I make my way to Buffalo for the Frozen Four.  I’ll be providing live updates from the The City of Good Neighbors including my first visit to Niagara Falls during which I may or may not throw myself over the edge dressed in full St. Cloud State regalia.  But again, I’m still not talking about that.

 

Until then, enjoy the anticipation leading up to the greatest event in sport, the Frozen Four!!

 

Your Embarrassed, Embittered, Emboweled Wockey Commish,

 

Alex

 

P.S.  This.  And I’m so sorry.