Wockey Pool Hall of Fame/Shame
If you travel to the back of Mount Rushmore where they dumped all of the excess rock leftover from Lincoln's forehead, there you will find a spot roughly 594 miles away from Minneapolis, MN, where the Wockey Hall of Fame/Shame resides on a computer server in the garage of a guy named "Feb".
The Hall of Fame, of course, is dedicated to those grand masters of Wockey, the fabled Wockey Champions. No one is quite sure if they actually exist, yet they miraculously cash their winning checks every year. Beginning with last year's Wockey Champion, this is your Wockey Hall of Fame!
Wockey Hall of Fame
Nick Sapienza, 2018 Wockey Champion
After years of Midwestern domination, the Wockey crown headed east where Nick Sapienza showed Beantown what it means to win Wockey. Sapienza reportedly considers Wockey his Christmas, which makes Wockey Commissioner Alex his Santa Claus, which is an image that will unfortunately be seared into your brain from here to eternity.
2017 - Ron Goodman - A retired federal judge from North Dakota, Goodman threatened to shut the Wockey Pool down if he wasn't allowed to win. Thankfully, his near-perfect predictions required no such tampering and Ron was able to save the family name after son Chris’s pathetic 2016 performance (see below).
2016 - Jon Brinckerhoff - An enigma wrapped in a riddle enveloped in a soft tortilla shell, Jon is Wockey's most reclusive Champion to date. As no other Wockeyite has claimed to have ever seen or heard from Jon, Wockey is forced to consider the fact that “Jon Brinckerhoff” might be the alias of some famous celebrity who doesn’t want to be known to dabble in Wockey (though we can confirm he’s no Binky Poodle-Clip).
2015 - Grady Mathiasen - At the tender age of six years old, Grady proved he was wiser than many older Wockeyites by capturing the title of Wockey Champion. That wisdom proved to be temporary, however, as he blew $1700 worth of Wockey winnings playing laser tag at Chuck-E-Cheese.
2014 - Eric Fritz - Battling nearly 30,000:1 odds, Fritz achieved the unthinkable becoming the first Wockeyite ever to correctly predict all 15 games. His prognostication potential apparently has no ceiling, not unlike the pergola his wife made him build with his Wockey winnings. #LamestUseOfWockeyPrizeMoneyEver
2013 - Jason Kuss - A former intern to Commissioner Walker (though in a slightly more professional environment than the Wockey Pool), Kuss learned everything he knew from Alex Walker. Upon realizing what a horrible mistake this was, he immediately forgot everything he knew, won the Wockey Pool, and became an internet star.
2012 - Aaron Soroka - A friend of the Wockey commissioner since the two met in 2nd grade, Aaron knew upon meeting Alex that some day he would win an embarrassing contest of sporting wits against his new friend. If only he would've realized how trivial and shallow a victory it was, he would have immediately asked his mother to move them to a different part of the country.
2011 - Zac Pease - Pulled into Wockey by the previous year's champion, co-worker Jennifer Toll, Zac proved his dominance by winning the Wockey Pool and then by savagely beating a garden weasel, though only winning the Wockey Pool was really called for.
2010 - Jennifer Toll - The first and only woman to ever win the Wockey Pool, Jennifer immediately used her winnings to go out and get a sex change operation.
2009 - Kevin Jewett - The only two-time Wockey Pool Champion, Jewett has since used his prognostication skills to accurately predict when he will go to jail for avoiding taxes on his winnings.
2008 - Kevin Jewett - Didn't you just read the one above? What more do you want from me!
2007 - Alex Walker - After winning the inaugural Wockey Pool, Walker thought running this thing might be a great way to make a little extra money. He finished 146th out of 147 in 2011.
Wockey Hall of Shame
The complete antithesis of the Hall of Fame, the Wockey Hall of Shame celebrates those who we're thankful that we're not, the worst of the worst, the "turdiest" of all Wockey competitors--the Wockey Puckheads. The Wockey Puckhead is a dishonor bestowed upon the last place finisher in the pool every year and serves as a reminder to the rest of us that we might not have it so bad after all. Here now is your Wockey Hall of Shame!
Jody Norstedt, 2018 Wockey Puckhead
As if finishing dead last in a pool of 376 competitors wasn’t painful enough, Norstedt's beloved St. Cloud State Huskies also became just the second number one seed ever to lose their first round game. To add to his pain, Huskies’ coach Bob Motzko left the team after the loss to coach St. Cloud’s hated rival Minnesota. And to top it all off, shortly after being named Puckhead, Jody’s wife left him, his son abandoned him, his dog peed on him, and he was fired from his job at Midco Sports Network after being voted “Least Trusted Professional Sportscaster” by a unanimous vote of his Wockey peers.
2017 - Jason Kuss - In the most calamitous fall in Wockey history, Kuss descended from the highs of being Champion in 2013 to the pit of Puckhead despair just four years later. Despite this, there's little doubt Kuss will continue his "cougar at a Chippendales show" impression by shoving more money into the welcoming thong that is Wockey.
2016 - Chris Goodman - As if finishing dead last wasn't insulting enough, Chris also had a bracket which correctly predicted the title game contestants and winner finish 99th overall. Failure has rarely been so complete as when consummated by Chris Goodman.
2015 - Finley Mathiasen - Ruining what had been up to that point a promising future, four-year-old Finley Mathiasen became the youngest solo Wockey Puckhead. Shortly thereafter, Finley dropped out of preschool, took up smoking, and became a Justin Bieber groupie.
2014 - Jeff Stark - Despite running one of the finest venues in all of college hockey, Jeff proved his overmatched mind is better used away from the ice as just one correct pick earned him the title of 2014's Puckhead.
2013 - Elena Luoto Meister - Putting forth a performance the words "atrocious", "ghastly", and "sickening" would be too light to describe, Elena set a record that cannot possibly be broken when she failed to select one correct winner during the 2013 pool. Once known as the Wockeyite responsible for bringing international relevance to the pool (she lives in Paris), Elena's reputation will henceforth be regarded as the Puckheadiest of all Puckheads.
2012 - Joe and Estella Frye - As embarrassing a feat as achieving Wockey Puckhead status is, Joe discovered a new level of ignominy when he claimed his two-year-old daughter Estella actually made his picks. For this disservice to parenting and humanity in general, we were forced to award both Fryes the dishonor of Wockey Puckhead.
2011 - Zach Walker - Zach barely eked out oldest brother Alex for this title. Yet in the end, Zach proved that in a family filled with vagrants and losers, he was the most puckheaded of them all. (Actually, this video proved that long before he earned the official title of Puckhead)
2010 - Brian Ringham - Yet another member of the Walker clan who proved his utter ineptitude at selecting college hockey results. Of course, the year before he nearly won the thing by having a two-year-old pick names out of a hat.
2009 - Chris O'Connor -Receiving perhaps the most racy gift in the history of Wockey (think Sisqo), O'Connor needed a full year to recuperate before re-entering the Wockey Pool. Weak, man.
2008 - Chris Smith - Cocky and brash by day, when Chris Smith puts on his college hockey thinking goggles, he becomes as weak as an infant, though most infants would still have the wherewithal to make better picks than him.
2007 - Joe Dufek - The first Wockey Pool in history proved that picking college hockey games can be baffling as Dufek, a professional sportscaster by day, ended up being the first Wockey Puckhead.