Welcome to Wockey...and also How About That First Day of Wockey?!

Ladies, Gentleman, and Cosmic People of Light Powers,

 

Welcome to Wockey 2017!  Why are you reading this blog on day two of Wockey after the second day of games have begun?  Some might chalk it up to simple laziness.  And while that may normally be the case, I was actually tied up by working on the ESPN broadcasts of NINE periods of college hockey in Fargo.  That’s right.  After Boston University and North Dakota played two overtime sessions in the first game, Minnesota-Duluth and Ohio State decided to delight (i.e. torture) our broadcast crew by going to an extra frame themselves.  So what was supposed to be an 8:00 start on Wockey work turned into 11:00.  And after 15 hours of actual work, the all-important work of Wockey simply had to be put aside for the night.  Nevertheless, we’re now and it’s time to get our Wockey on!

 

2017 is a banner year, not just because I will be turning 40 in a few short weeks, but because to celebrate, we’ve accomplished a new record of 413 Wockey brackets!  Never in my wildest dreams did I see this growing so large, but Wockey as it turns out is an unstoppable force that refuses to be put down!

 

Before we get to recapping day one’s results, we must hand out one of the most important awards of Wockey season --  the ironically non-creatively named Wockey Bracket Name of the Year Award.  After 11 years, Wockey is finally joining the long list of sports-based sellouts by offering sponsorships for our awards.  So this year, we are simultaneously embarrassed and delighted to announce the winner of what is now known as the Handerpants Wockey Bracket Name of the Year Award!  But first the runners-up:

 

You’re so Hairy, You Speak Wockey - Tyler Zilka - Probably the most random name of the year.  I’m not sure how hairiness translates into Wockiness, but part of me wants to live in a world where this is so.  Just don’t ask me which part.

 

Can I still Pick SCSU - Ryan Pierre Cordier - The most disappointing part of my 40th birthday bash at the Frozen Four will be not seeing my beloved St. Cloud State Huskies celebrating on the ice at the United Center.  Well, actually the most disappointing part will be that we won’t have time to see this.  Nevertheless, sports fandom is about nothing if not rooting for your team even though all odds are stacked against them -- like if they didn’t qualify for the tournament which you are rooting for them to win.  So we’ve created a special bracket for Ryan in which St. Cloud not only is picked to win the NCAA Championship, but in which they actually DO win.  Ryan will receive no money for his win, but he, along with the rest of Husky Nation will get to revel in that mythological victory that all of us dream about, but will probably die before we ever actually see.

 

St. Cloud State Would Win the College Hockey NIT This Year - Jody Norstedt  - See above.  Gotta love Jody; always the SCSU believer.

 

Hockey’s the One on Ice, Right? - Jessica Halvorson

Complete Random, Unless I Win - Mike Varian - These bracket names sum up the Wockey experience so perfectly.  Jessica was clearly suckered into entering the pool by someone whom she has likely expressed she knows nothing about hockey to.  Nevertheless, she will probably still end up finishing better than most actual college hockey aficionados.  Wockey Webmaster Mike also exhibits the inanity of predicting the NCAA hockey tournament with his name.  And wouldn’t you know it -- this bracket is one of 30 that are perfect after day one while his bracket titled “Totally on Purpose” is not.

 

Got to Have the Flow - Nolan

Minneflowta - Jon Libbey - While Wockey’s base is still largely centered in its home state of Minnesota, we have indeed grown to become a competition that participants from other parts of the country, and even the world, compete in.  And for those that don’t understand the spirit of hockey that pervades Minnesota, one must look no further than the Minnesota State High School Hockey Tournament where the competition on the ice is only slightly more heated than that which plays out on its athletes’ heads.

 

No Matter What Happens in This Bracket, Alex Walker is Turning 40

No Matter What Happens in THIS Bracket, Alex Walker is STILL Turning 40 - Chris Walker - Ahh.  The joys of having younger siblings.  Chris may always be able to claim he’s younger than me, but at least like him I’m not a Bengals fan.

 

How Do I Unsubscribe From This? - Milano - And speaking of putting yourself through unnecessary pain, this name perfectly describes the Wockey experience of not wanting to be part of the tournament, but getting sucked back in time and time again.  Milano, at least you can rest knowing you do not suffer alone.  Wockey is indeed a strange addiction, but an addiction none of us can seem to quit.

 

All these names were fantastic.  However, none took their levels of true Wockiness quite to the level of the winner of this year’s Handerpants Wockey Bracket Name of the Year Award, which is...

 

Laaksonen Dorothy

Laaksonen Blanche

Laaksonen Rose - Matt Laaksonen - This is something we have never seen in Wockey before -- three brackets, all named in accordance with each other, in a triumvirate of Wockey naming greatness.  Just as last year’s winner, Robb Fritz, struck a nerve with the Wockey commish by calling attention to navel lint sufferers, Matt engenders a happier side of this commissioner’s young life by honoring his brackets with one of the joys of my youth -- 80’s sitcoms.  The Golden Girls, for those who don’t recall the fond days before the wasteland that is cable television, was one of the funniest and most unlikely successful sitcoms to ever grace the airwaves.  Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose -- three of the show’s main characters -- were likely a subconscious source of inspiration for Wockey in later years.  In fact, in a past Wockey Pool blog post I referenced the #BeaDay Twitter account.  Of course, not every 80’s sitcom was as rock solid as the Golden Girls.  But kudos to Matt for reminding people not only of the pure source of pleasure that was 80’s situational comedy, but also of the powerful influence geriatric women can have on our comedic sensibilities.  

 

*Incidentally, other acceptable bracket names would’ve been “Laaksonen ALF Ate Your Cat”, “Laaksonen NORM!”, and “Laaksonen You Take the Good You Take the Bad You Take the Rest and There You Have the Wockey Life”  

 

For his efforts, Matt not only wins a pair of Handerpants, but also this.

 

As for day one of Wockey, 30 brackets remain perfect including two by past Wockey Champion’s Jason Kuss and Grady Mathiasen, and four by children.  That’s right, you’re getting outwitted by children.  Again.

 

On the opposite end, the race for Wockey Puckhead is heating up as four brackets went completely imperfect on day one.  Kuss is aiming to become the first ever Wockey Champion and Puckhead.  Chris Walker perennially competes for the Puckhead title that has eluded him to this point.  There’s someone named Carol.  And then most excitedly, we have the potential for the ever back-to-back Wockey Puckhead, Chris Goodman.  We have a trophy honoring our only ever back-to-back winner -- the Jewett Trophy.  Perhaps if Chris accomplishes the unthinkable, I can create a trophy for him -- or maybe steal one I referenced in my initial e-mail when I’m in Chicago.

 

Of course, there is still much Wockey to be played!  Enjoy the best day of the year as six games will be played and we’ll have our first two Frozen Four entrants.

 

Good luck Wockeying!

 

Your Nomadic, Neurotic, Nostalgic Wockey Commish

 

Alex

 

P.S.  This.