Wockey Pool 2019 - Knowledge is Power

We are roughly 50 hours away from the beginning of the final Wockey Pool!  I know what you’re all wondering...will we hit our Mariucci Miracle number of 1300 brackets entered?!  Well, I’m happy to say that your work selling the Wockey Pool is already starting to pay off as we are now a hefty 13% of the way there!!  With 170 brackets filled, it’s a practically a mathematical guarantee that we’ll not only reach, but surpass 1300 brackets!

 

Since the suspense of knowing whether we’ll hit that magic number has been alleviated, we can get to focusing on the tournament itself.  

 

One of the most wonderful things about Wockey is that while that “other” March Madness tournament prides itself on discovering players you’ve never heard of, the NCAA Hockey Tournament prides itself on discovering entire schools you’ve never heard of.  Like, who ever knew there was a college called American International?  First off, it’s a misnomer that a school in Massachusetts is even called American International.  Secondly, their mascot looks like a roid raging Jiminy Cricket.  

 

But that surface information isn’t the reason you come to the Wockey Pool.  You come to Wockey for the most accurate, in depth facts that you would otherwise never know about schools you would have otherwise never heard about via an NCAA hockey pool you wish you had never been introduced to.  Therefore, it is my holy duty to share with you credible facts about each of the schools that are part of this year’s field not only to assist you in making your Wockey predictions, but in making you a better human citizen in a way only Wockey can.

 

American International College

Seed:  16

First Round Matchup:  West Regional vs. St. Cloud State

Famous Alumni:  Mike Gravel, Dae Gak, and a bunch of other “famous” people you’ve never actually heard of.

Fun Fact:  While AIC was originally founded with the purpose of educating international immigrants coming to America, their most popular courses these days involve creative ways of keeping immigrants out.

 

Arizona State

Seed:  10

First Round Matchup:  Midwest Regional vs. Quinnipiac

Famous Alumni:  “Miracle on Ice” Announcer Al Michaels, Famous Cheater Barry Bonds, Poorly Aging Singer Linda Ronstadt, Mugshot Star Nick Nolte

Fun Fact:  Beginning in 2020, Arizona State will go on a run of 38 straight NCAA hockey championships after 18-year-old hockey players across the world realize they can play collegiate hockey while wintering in Arizona, attending one of America’s top party schools, and dating their choice of tanned, beautiful coeds.

 

Bowling Green

Seed:  15

First Round Matchup:  Midwest Regional vs. Minnesota-Duluth

Famous Alumni:  Figure Skating Icon Scott Hamilton, Musical Icon Ric Ocasek, and Hockey Play-by-Play Icon Mike “Doc” Emrick.  Also Nude Glamour Model Cara Zavaleta whom I had never heard of, but may or may not have just spent the past three-and-a-half hours Googling.

Fun Fact:  Actor Robert Patrick, best known for portraying the T-1000 in Terminator 2, dropped out of Bowling Green after a drama class sparked his interest in acting.  And while that may not necessarily qualify as a “fun” fact, it does give me a segue with which to show you this.

 

Clarkson

Seed:  5

First Round Matchup:  Northeast Regional vs. Notre Dame

Famous Alumni:  Despite having famous politicians, actors, and entrepreneurs listed among notable alumni, Ranker.com readers have voted this guy as the 13th most distinguished graduate of Clarkson University.

Fun Fact:  Potsdam, NY, home to Clarkson University, is also home to one of the most unique (and distinctly fragrant?) gardens in America.

 

Cornell

Seed:  11

First Round Matchup:  East Regional vs. Northeastern

Famous Alumni:  Poet Toni Morrison, Novelist Kurt Vonnegut, Scientist Bill Nye, and a bunch of other people who are roughly 6,452 times smarter and more interesting than you.

Fun Fact:  Cornell is roughly an hour away from the del Lago Resort and Casino in upstate New York where 90’s R&B powerhouse Color Me Badd’s recent reunion apparently wasn’t All 4 Love.

 

Denver

Seed:  8

First Round Matchup:  Midwest Regional vs. Ohio State

Famous Alumni:  Politician Condoleeza Rice, Playwright Neil Simon, Businessman Pete Coors, and the star of a 90’s movie that apparently doesn’t exist despite the convictions of many people on the internet.

Fun Fact:  This.

 

Harvard

Seed:  13

First Round Matchup:  Northeast Regional vs. Massachusetts

Famous Alumni:  Nobody notable

Fun Fact:  Harvard students win Wockey’s approval for staging the best practical jokes.

 

Massachusetts

Seed:  4

First Round Matchup:  Northeast Regional vs. Harvard

Famous Alumni:  Actor Richard Gere, Businessman Jack Welch, Heralded Comedian turned Horrifying Creep Bill Cosby, and the host of the greatest game show this side of Double Dare.

Fun Fact:  Though it has literally nothing to do with the university, Massachusetts is home to a museum that only a Wockeyite could love.

 

Minnesota-Duluth

Seed:  2

First Round Matchup:  Midwest Regional vs. Bowling Green

Famous Alumni:  Big Brother contestant Janelle Pierzina and NHL great Brett Hull whose country club locker was once broken into by a guy I worked with at a party I was at.  True story.

Fun Fact:  Duluth is known for its beautiful natural attractions, it’s iconic lift bridge, and it’s famously awkward attempts at romance.

 

Minnesota State-Mankato

Seed:  3

First Round Matchup:  East Regional vs. Providence

Famous Alumni:  Ranker.com lists the lady who married Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong as it’s 18th most notable alumni.  We’re not exactly talking Harvard here.

Fun Fact:  When searching “Mankato” on Google, the top question under Google’s “People Also Ask” grid is “Is Mankato a Real Place?”

 

Northeastern

Seed:  11

First Round Matchup:  East Regional vs. Cornell

Famous Alumni:  Groundbreaking Fashion Model Beverly Johnson, Napster Founder Shawn Fanning, and Freakish Plastic Surgery Afficionado Wendy Williams

Fun Fact:  Despite living in Boston, one of the most historically and culturally vibrant cities in the entire country, Northeastern students apparently have to attempt lame world records in order to keep themselves entertained.

 

Notre Dame

Seed:  12

First Round Matchup:  Northeast Regional vs. Clarkson

Famous Alumni:  Literally everyone who went there thinks they’re famous.

Fun Fact:  Unless you went to Notre Dame, nobody likes Notre Dame.

 

Ohio State

Seed:  9

First Round Matchup:  Midwest Regional vs. Denver

Famous Alumni:  Former Hotheaded Basketball Coach Bob Knight, Former Football Player/Felon Maurice Clarett, Former Yankees Owner/Felon George Steinbrenner, Serial Killer Jeffrey Dahmer, and a whole bunch of other terrible people.

Fun Fact:  Columbus, Ohio, home of Ohio State University, is also home to a drainage tunnel called The Gates of Hell.  Between that and the list of famous alumni above, I implore you -- DON’T LET YOUR CHILDREN GO TO OHIO STATE.  Unless, of course, their only other option is Notre Dame.

 

Providence

Seed:  14

First Round Matchup:  East Regional vs. Minnesota State-Mankato

Famous Alumni:  Oscar-winning Film Producer Peter Farrelly, Former Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley, and this guy!

Fun Fact:  While it seems like a perfectly sane idea, it’s actually illegal to test the speed of a race horse on a public highway in Rhode Island.  But one brave politician is working to change that.

 

Quinnipiac

Seed:  7

First Round Matchup:  Midwest Regional vs. Arizona State

Famous Alumni:  None.  Unless you want to count Survivor contestant Danielle DeLorenzo.  She showed up as Ranker.com’s most famous Quinnipiac alumni.  She also showed up as the 13th most famous Northeastern alumni.  Think about that for a minute.

Fun Fact:  There is literally nothing fun or interesting about Quinnipiac University.  So instead, I offer you this.

 

St. Cloud State

Seed:  1

First Round Matchup:  West Regional vs. American International

Famous Alumni:  As to who’s the most famous SCSU alum, it’s probably a toss up between your Wockey Commissioner and this guy.  I can’t help but have the feeling that there’s someone else though...

Fun Fact:  There are some who would complain that St. Cloud is a wasteland -- a backwards, culturally deficient blight on the landscape of an otherwise beautiful state.  Then again...it just hit me!  Forget McGyver and Wockey!  This guy is St. Cloud State’s most prestigious alumnus!!!

 

So now, my Wockey brethren, you are as prepared as you can be to not only make your Wockey picks, but to go out and make your world a better place provided you're able to do that by winning some extremely specific bar trivia contests.

 

So go out and fill your brackets today and get your friends and family to do the same!  Though it's a statistical certainty that we're going to surpass 1300 brackets, it's never a bad thing to keep bringing more and more into the Wockey madness.  Good luck and good Wockeying!

 

Your Notable, Notional, Not Normal Wockey Commish,

 

Alex

 

P.S.  This guy.